It has been the longest 5 days of my life! 🙂 Great surges of insight! Deep undulations, reminiscent of those from so long ago. Churning and swirling and twisting….. constant movement of the Soul, as is to be expected when a Great Journey is undertaken. And in this moment, calm.
This is what it must be to enter into the eye of a hurricane. In this moment, a sense of stillness; a sense of relief from having made it to here. And an acute awareness that this too, will end and forward movement will resume. I will have to re-enter the churn. A moment to pause….to rest my fingers and Soul… and then, the choice to continue. I refuse to live my life going around in circles, even if that is in a vast and sheltered place where there are no disturbing winds. As has been said about ships: A ship is safest in the harbour – but that’s not what ships are designed and built for.
Where to begin….
Wide awake at 3:00 a.m. has become the marker for me of a rustling truth that will not be appeased: “Get up and get on with it!” In those moments, convention falls away and I follow the insistent prodding to act on impulse and not by the clock. Perhaps our deepest insights really do come at the darkest part of the night.
Two things have stood out for me, as these last few days have become the fuel for my own evolution.
First, the power of this process. I long ago lost count of the number of times I had the privilege of being part of a ‘Whispers from Within’ process. Before this experience, those were always private and always one-to-one. For whatever reason (perhaps The Call to my own evolution?), I decided to engage this process in a small collective of highly experienced (with this approach ) women; and then again, with a small group of women who included those who knew nothing of this approach. In both instances, the outcomes were compelling – for me and for them! This time, as a public offering, I am curious to discover where we will all end up. Given that the underpinning of this process is the recognition that every other who comes into my life is an expression of some aspect of my own consciousness, all of it is always all about me. Judgements of others are a waste of time, effort and Life-force.
Long ago, I believed mySelf to be a unique aspect of The Whole, expressing. I now know that I am The Whole, expressing uniquely. And so is each of you. Whether you are part of an email group with me or others; whether you are engaging one-to-one with me or any other; whether you are engaging in the privacy of your own mind or journal, at the level of the Whole, the expression of your Being is nonetheless relevant, present and potent. In that, we each matter – whether we see that, recognize that, claim that…or not. From the simple truth of your existence comes relevance. If you are here, you have impact.
Which leads me to my second thing…..
Like most others on this planet, I was taught that the I that I am stands separate from you. I live within the boundaries of my physical body. I am ‘in here’ and you are ‘out there’. I can claim my body and what lies within as ‘me’ and in so doing, relegate all else to the domain of ’not me’. I am not you. I am not that tree. I am not the ocean. Separation. Division. Exclusion. And now, I know none of that to be true.
My world…. my life… does not express as a binary system; does not express as the by-product of duality. I live along a continuum of expression. In truth, I AM that continuum, expressing.
In such a reality, the dualities of good/bad, right/wrong; the extremes of ‘in here’ and ‘out there’; the separation of matter/form from energy/intention cease to exist. Like my feet are connected to my head through the length of my body, so matter is connected to thought through the length of my perspective. Where I stand along the continuum of my existence (think 7 Logical Levels) will determine how and what I see/hear. Then, the further back I stand as I watch myself experience and express along the continuum (remember, I AM the Whole), the more expansive my capacity for choice. And in every breath, I choose.
I am not a unique aspect of the Whole, expressing. I AM the Whole, expressing uniquely.
I am not matter or energy; I am not form or intention, I am all of it. Where I stand along the continuum will determine how I choose to live.
My life is a metaphor, reflecting back to me the choices that I am making as a living godforce expressing in the realm of matter. Do I like what I’m creating? My physical reality – my body moving through a world of people, events and ’stuff’ – allows me to have tangible evidence of how and what my choices are creating. Whether I choose with mindful and conscious presence… or not!…,I have still chosen.
My body is a quantum biological device; a receiver/transmitter that allows the signal from Self to enter into and express in the domain of matter. What messages flow through me that are essential to the complete unfolding of my Being?
I know there is no waste in my precious and precise Universe. In that, purpose lies. What I hunger for is to find it.
From long ago, when first beginning these conversations in my little office on Metcalfe Street…. gathering a few friends for evening explorations, offered to them as an opportunity for them to discover quickly and inexpensively what it had taken me much to discern….. I always knew this was a pathway for me to find mySelf. That, has never changed. Every program; every coaching moment; every lunch conversation that turned into a four-hour, intense process of confrontation of Self…. not a single one was ever for or about anyone else. It has always been about me. My world. My search to find ways to face myself without running away. Creating an experience with another, as an aspect of my own consciousness, has never failed me. Bonus? Their lives changed, too. Essential to the creation of a new world is the willingness and ability of each individual to come to know themselves as Creator. In that, there is no room for the victim/perpetrator dance to find music.
I know that is powerful. What I also know is that without the inner enquiry; without that gnawing hunger rising up from the inner cues to be fed, a tasty snack will suffice… and sleep will once again overtake what might have become a potent expression of Being. Over these last 30 years, I have often wondered: What is it that causes the hunger in so many, to be so small? And in truth, in the great expansion of my own expression, does it really matter?
It does not matter to me, as an individual. I will always find a way to feed my hunger. (LOL… witness THIS conversation!) And I know I will always find others who seek to feed theirs and will allow me to join them… and it is still not enough. In a world that will shape the offspring of my offspring, it is not enough. So now, at this place in my life, perhaps my next enquiry becomes: how to awaken the perpetual hunger that will seek its own gratification?
Complacency is the great enemy of a Soul seeking to discover itSelf. That ability to delay (I”ll think about that tomorrow – I’m just too busy today.); to obstruct (I’m deeply committed but first, I need to find time to buy a new journal); to obfuscate (Before I can attend to this gnawing in my Soul, I have to figure out what’s wrong with everyone else.). And so it goes – and the deep dive into my own agitation is soothed in some acceptable fashion. The problem is: there is always something else to do. Someplace else to be. Some other distraction to attend to. Our world is intentionally designed to ensure that we are constantly distracted and overridden by something outside of us. I believe it is so because the alternative is world-altering… and too dangerous to be awakened on a global scale.
I am not one whose primary aim is to bring comfort. In fact, discomfort is the great enemy of complacency! And for that creation, I am well-designed.
For now, that is my inquiry.
Thanks for listening.