In my experience, there is no more powerful yet potentially damaging relationship than that of a daughter with her mother. Same-gender modelling cannot be underestimated in its capacity to mesmerize and terrify… like a snake staring into the eyes of its prey. In any given moment, a daughter might wonder: is today the day?
It takes enormous courage to engage this topic head-on…. without all the fluffy words to soften the landing for a truth long held in silence and secrecy. What I have come to know of myself over these decades is that being victimized does not make ME a victim. Identity structures transform ‘reality’ – and those new realities can take down a world of betrayals and lies.
Thank you, Stela, for the massive potential of this moment.
Below is a very brief except from Stela’s most recent blog post. To read in it’s entirety:
When Mother Stay,
Daughters Inherit the Lie
There’s this strange thing women do where they pretend they are “supporting” one another through the violence when what they’re really doing is enabling each other and the lineage to learn to tolerate the intolerable. That’s what sisters do, after all!
This becomes the unspoken expectation that is woven through the fabric of our collective reality — and those of us who don’t do that, those of us who speak the truth of what we see it to be, we are treated as different. Often we are shunned for speaking to that which is to remain hidden — shame. After all, we have violated the Intergenerational Code of Silence. (Stela Murrizi)
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