Recently, I was in contact with a man who has been my pen-pal for more than ten years. We met during one of the many programs I have attended and for whatever reason, chose to stay in touch through the years. We live on different sides of the world so, although I consider him my friend, I have not seen him in person since that first meeting.
In a recent letter, he shared with me some of the things that were going on in his life. His authentic and open expression caused me to rethink my personal choice to work with women; and trust that there are other women who will make the personal choice to work directly with men.
I share my response (below) that you might ponder for yourself, what is possible for yourself and for the men in your lives, however that connection may exist.
Thanks for sharing that story with me. Somehow, as I read, it all sounds/feels like the archetypical story of the never-ending search for the ‘nirvana’ of connection. I don’t suggest that’s a good thing or a bad thing – just a very familiar thing. Personally? I think the great hunger that we carry is to better know our Selves… better know the truth of who we are, why we’re here, what we stand for; and does it matter if we get out of bed in the morning.
It is both strange and interesting to me that you and I have been in this across-the-pond connection, through email. I have thoroughly welcomed and enjoyed every moment over the (how many?) years. To me, you are not a ‘person’ in the mundane, every-day sort of way, but a ‘presence’. An expression of your sense of adventure; of your discoveries and insights; and of your moments of turmoil and vulnerability. In all of those fractures, there is an underlying wholeness. For whatever reason, it brings me hope. You are evidence to me, that the greater enquiry is alive and well!
I believe that one of the great benefits and advantages that women have is their ease with and enjoyment of each other’s good company. Women may desire men – and they don’t need them when they have each other. As a result, having a man/men in their lives becomes a mindful choice and not a drive to stave off the night. Know what I mean?
In these, my later years (I am, after all, now closer to 90 than I am to 30!), I am profoundly relaxing into engaging, seeking out, recognizing, appreciating and welcoming life as a unique creation, rather than a repetition of old habits. In much of what you share, I witness both. What strikes me as so vital and enlivening is your unstoppable search! No doubt, as you stay in that, you’ll find what you seek.
You know that I stopped working with men in 2006. Not because of anything that I don’t want – but because what I do want was not (seemingly) attainable with them. I have maintained for many years that the evolution that men seek will not be found in a program room, through courses or trainings or certifications… but in the presence of the women who love them and that they love. A few days ago, I got an email from the spouse of one of our clients that gave me hope. He is a changed man – and I’ve done nothing. Susan (his spouse) shared her set of the ‘Sexual, Sensual and Spiritual Beings‘ cd’s with him – and he woke up. Did he wake up because of the CD’s? I don’t know – likely there were things said that profoundly shook him to the core. And in my truth of it, he woke up because in passing the CD’s to him, Susan was saying: “Wake up! ” In that moment, he could hear.
Not quite sure why I am feeling compelled to share all of this with you. And nonetheless, here it is. Personally? I believe that in my life, I have to choose between being the manager of the life I have or the creator of the one I desire. And with that, the world expands.