Good morning!
Here I am on Day 10: The first day of the rest of my life.
I think of the completion of this cycle of enquiry as the end of a long, steady and deep inhalation… of my Self. Now, I pause… and in this continuing cycle… I enter into the long, slow and deep exhalation as I choose to live my life as an expression of the integration that now comes.
It has been a joy to be part of a journey with all of you that has been honing the edge of possibility. Every day, awakening and moving into the quiet moments to reflect and express. Every day, looking forward to receiving the same, from each of you. And every day, knowing that thoughts shared could and would, change lives.
For me, it is always much less about any particular outcome and more about the process of allowing the exploration – wherever it may lead – that results in living my life without fear. Too often, we press aside rather than embrace our most challenging thoughts, hoping that doing so will quell the agitation and bring peace of body and mind. Rarely is that outcome achieved by seeking to look away from what already has taken hold and pretend it is not so. In our world, we are taught to focus on the good and all else will fall away. In my decades of engaging with others, I have never seen that to be true.
There is no thought undeserving of my consideration. If it has entered the domain of my mind, the platform of my body is now its most effective ’thinker’.
Are we not amazing creatures, such that thoughts shared are sufficient to transform? Over these past 10 days, I see much evidence of that simple truth. Such a reality causes me to pause… and be mindful of my thoughts; and pay particular attention to those that I deem/dare to share. Perhaps it is in that moment of particular attention that I choose either to silence an inner truth and repeat what has always been, or to rise to the full measure of my Authentic Self and reveal. Either way, our impact cannot be avoided or negated. We matter. Every single one of us! Our very existence makes a difference. We are integral to it all and not some random strand of DNA that has entered the fray, in error.
Here’s what I have discovered about myself in this 10-day ‘Whispers from Within’ writing process. It is clear to me:
I am here to agitate.
I have no memory of ever being other than that as an expression of Being. Even in the innocence of having no intention, simply being my Self was agitating to those around me. So be it.
I am here to leave no conversation unengaged.
Whether it is one that is already occurring and into which I am invited or choose to insert mySelf; or if it is one that I must create to make a conversation possible, so be it. I will create the experiences that allow me to be my Self, fully throttle!
I am here to stay awake by awakening the Self in any and all who come into the sphere of my existence.
We are on a spaceship travelling at breakneck speed through the cosmos… and we – all of us, as its crew….must be awake and present. Right now, the vast majority of us are in a coma. How many will it take to navigate and ensure we reach some life-enhancing destination?
In this time with all of you, it has been a gift to profoundly relax into my agitation. Like a spice is intended to awaken the palette, so I am intended to awaken my/the Self. For that, I must be willing to be true to my Self; at all times. It’s easy for me to do when I free myself from any judgement with, around and about it. It becomes the visible and audible act of breathing in and breathing out…. free of the constraints that insist these be tiny and controlled and measured breaths…. stepping into my willingness for it all to be witnessed. Such is our world that we have become unwilling to allow another to hear us breathe.
Being part of this journey for the last 10 days – coupled with the reading and watching and listening that frame the passage of my days, every day – I now know things….have language/content for things… that on Day 1 were more like a rising mist than anything I could name. Now, it is different for me.
There are some discoveries that have served me well for many years. I share them here, more as a reminder to my Self than for any other purpose.
There are no absolutes… no things that stand alone in isolation of anything else. Everything is relative to every other thing; and all of it is nonetheless part of the same expression of Life… of Being. That we do not recognize it does not make it any less all an expression of the same Whole. The context we claim for ourselves will dictate how we interpret that relativity.
After turning eyes in to my Self for these last 10 days, I now come to a close of a cycle that will call to me to turn eyes outwardly, to other than Self. Doing so allows me to now test drive my discoveries. It also allows me to now begin to pay attention to the degree to which the conversations I am having ‘outside’ with others match the ones that I am having ‘inside’, with my Self. The great force to manifest and create lies in their alignment. The greater the alignment, the more quickly the manifestation occurs.
Perspective frames selection. The bigger my perspective, the more expansive and ’tactile’ my choices become; the more able a choice becomes to touch and affect something else. In my courage to reveal, Life gains momentum in the power of contagion. Life is a virus that can be of the greatest virulence, if I allow it to be so. I have often intentionally chosen that my perspective remains small to ensure that my range of resulting choices is small, allowing for a sense of control; for a sense of incremental discovery/growth/change. In those moments, I have lost my capacity to trust in the majesty of who I am intended to be.
It has long and often been said : “The point of power is in the present.” For me to know that… in the very tissue of my being… I must live it. Staying in the now will, without doubt or hesitation, produce physical sensations in the body. Choosing to invite and allow them; choosing to relax, open and make way for the wave of intelligence that is seeking to communicate, will change my life… and my world. This requires that I come to trust my own inner cues…and allow them to lead, without words, without content, without collusion or agreement from any other. In that moment of the ’now’, I stand alone.
The voice in my head says:
* DARE to press against your own conventions; against your own untested ’truths’, absorbed from others rather than claimed in the Fire of your own discovery.
* RISK being wrong; not knowing; not fitting in; being dismissed, isolated, mocked, ridiculed. Staying within the domain of acceptance by others may bring momentary comfort and it is like pushing the delete button on your unique expression of Self; on your curiosity and your willingness to engage authentically.
* INVITE and ALLOW: Embrace it all and hold to nothing! Like water through a screen door, allow what draws your attention to move through you and awaken more of the fullness of who you are.
Dare. Risk. Invite. Allow. These will combine to create the Space that is essential for our evolution; will propel the Movement from within that redefines who we are willing to become; and will create the Flow of Being that is required to manifest from the very core.
For me, at the age of 66, I know that it is about the joy of Being. Whatever unfolds around me, there is always a place for me to stand that invites that reclamation of Self to bring that great joy of Being. It does not mean that I am without doubts; that there are not tears, rage and grief. As I invite and allow all to be in flow within the device of my body, the wave informs the moment… and I become more. The body becomes still… and from that ensuing peace, comes joy.
Thank you all for being part of this 10-day process, whatever path you have chosen for yourSelf. I believe that this process awakens; and I believe that for any who may choose to engage, their lives will transform.
Each of you is essential to our shared reality.
With deep RIG and much aloha,
Louise
My routine in this experience has been to read Louise’s provocation (or not) and simply allow what needs to be expressed to emerge throughout the day. Sometimes it comes quickly, sometimes it take longer. Once I’ve offered my whisper, I read the whispers of everyone else.
Today I decided to read Linda’s message first. I’ve not yet read Louise’s message.
As I sit here in front of my computer, I’m looking out my window to a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the air is crisp and it actually sounds quiet. I’m grateful. Oscar is purring in my lap. He is preparing for departure, yet his soul is not quite ready. I can feel his paws in both worlds. I know this feeling well. It is beautiful and sad at the same time.
I feel Linda. I feel deeply—the love and compassion. The tenderness…all of it.
I’m struck by the courage to be so open, raw and vulnerable. I feel grateful. I feel honoured. I feel humbled.
There are times when I fantasize about being alone—somewhere isolated, untouched by humanity, never to see another human again (other than Deb). I know that no such place exists. As Jennifer Hynes says, “The planet is infected by humanity.” The wounds and scars are everywhere: physically and energetically. There is no escape. I sometimes feel claustrophobic.
And then I feel such gratitude for experiences like this where I can release my grief for the world in the presence of others who will not judge. The ocean, mountains, animals, and trees know my grief well. There is a different quality to grief release in the presence of my own species.
Like Linda, I am a fiercely private person. Ironically however, I have a public voice, yet the two are not at odds with each other. My calling is to share my truth. My calling is to be a voice for the voiceless: animals, the natural world, and the human soul. It’s a lonely path. It doesn’t pay the bills or support me whatsoever in the world “out there”, yet it is rich for me “in here”…in my heart.
As such, I’ve chosen a very simply life. A roof over my head, a garden, food on the table (and in dog and cat bowls) and a few “luxuries” like our old 2005 Prius and this old computer. My few clothes are old. What little furniture we have has been with us for years, and if we need anything, Craigslist has a great free section. 🙂 We trade with friends and neighbours and have a wonderful community. I have loving relationships with my sisters and my partner. Overall, I’m happy with my life. I do what I love and find ways to make it work for my simple life so that I don’t compromise my integrity.
The bills are simple: rent, hydro, internet. No cellphone, cable, mortgage, renovations, or whatever else is considered “normal”.
Last year, Deb and I made the decision to radically simplify our lives in order to eliminate all debt, along with the soul-destroying ties that bound us to the system. We were ruthless. In our ruthlessness, we not only liberated ourselves, we completely altered our worldview. The pattern of debt was forever destroyed.
We cut up the credit cards. I liquidated all remaining investments and took everything out of the bank. I’m talking ruthless. If we can’t pay for it, we can’t have it, or we scale down even more. It was hard at first, but it’s now become second nature.
I found a way. I learned (and continue to learn) how resilient I actually am.
I don’t use the word “hate” lightly, I don’t like the way it feels in my body, and yet I hate this culture. I hate what it has done to the Earth, to animals and to the human soul. I’m heartbroken for Linda, Silvia and Laurie. I see myself in all of you. I know the relentless grief of losing someone you love in such a painful way. I know the fear of living in uncertainty and debt. I know the despair and frustration of feeling trapped by the system.
I also know that I am so much more than my stories. The stories have always been my trap. I have seen this—and continue to see this repeatedly in my life. I saw this the other night when Deb created a story about me that caused a division I couldn’t understand…until she opened up and shared her truth. I saw very clearly how her story was the wall. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with a strategy from her past. In releasing the story, she released us both from the pattern.
I continually choose new stories for myself. I chose the story of no debt last year and immersed myself fully into it. When I did so, I found a way to create no debt. It took time, but my commitment to no debt made it happen.
I chose the story of simplicity. In doing so, my life is richer in so many ways.
I chose the story of integrity. In doing so, I no longer sell out my soul to a paycheque.
I chose authenticity. In doing so, I open myself to amazing relationships. I also open myself to public criticism (fortunately it doesn’t happen often).
I chose love. In doing so, I open myself to it all: grief, anger, frustration, joy, happiness…everything. Love is everything.
I chose my soul.
It wasn’t always this way and I paid dearly for it. I learned. No more.
I have no control over the collective stories of the world. I do have control over the stories that run my life. If I don’t like the story I’ve written, I rewrite. Sometimes it takes multiple edits to get it right, but I guess that’s part of the human experience.
I thank you all for your willingness to be a part of this profound experience. I thank Louise for creating it.
With love and gratitude,
Deb
Day 10. The exhale.
I honestly don’t even know what has occurred in these 10 days – I read, I wrote – all the details of the content seem to have vanished from my brain. What remains is this very cool feeling that I am not alone. I am not alone in my desire to wake up, I am not alone in my desire to hide and then share my deepest vulnerabilities. I am not alone in how I feel about this beautiful world. For this I am truly grateful.
After I wrote my whisper last night I tried to go to sleep. I laid in bed feeling hot, irritable, uncomfortable. My pillow sucked, the bed was not right, the window was not open enough. Nothing felt right and sleep would not come. I wrestled my way through an hour like this and then suddenly I felt like I had to get up or I would throw up. The wave was moving and moving fast. I went outside and sat on the doggie pillow on the front porch and wept and wept and wept. It rolled through my body with great intensity until it was done. I got up, washed my face and had a deep and peaceful sleep.
I don’t know what it was…I have some good guesses but I trusted that it was perfect. It was a wave of energy that needed to be released. I would not have this insight if it were not for Louise and her Decloaking CD’s and her books or for Naomi and her beautifully led Decloaking programs. I have learned so much about how to let my body lead from her.
Today was a day of pure and total exhaustion. Deep, deep to the core fatigue. Was it the wave? Was it letting go of the cooking show which is not complete. Was it the marathon schedule I chose for filming the show? Probably a combination of all of that. I don’t really care what its called – its here. I have been so gentle with myself today. No workout, no big output, a gentle walk, a nap. I feel like I am really going with the flow. That is a good thing. I am better at going with the flow when it is intense, not as good at relaxing into the quiet days.
So I exhale and then another inhale comes. I look forward to seeing what’s next as I open to being my full magnificent self in a collapsing, shrinking world.
I have so much deep respect for each of you – and for what you shared. Thank you.
With Love,
Deb
YES!! The words and living expression that flows on to the page from Louise, Deb O and Deb G – have such deep potency and vibration as I invite and allow all of it to soak into my being this morning! I could not be happier, more at peace in this moment, more in alignment of who I know I am becoming.
Deb G your words “I am better at going with the flow when it is intense, not as good at relaxing into the quiet days.” so true in my world and yet more and more finding myself creating those quiet sales and places, that create as much potency and much more ease in my manifestations. The gift that your expression is keeps on giving!
I know without a doubt, part of my expression here is a midwife to the emerging Reclamation of the Soul embodied in tissue. For the pure descends-ion of evolution of consciousness and the on-going birth of the Emerging Species. As a way of being in the now, in this moment, this earth walk, in human form for not only myself, my family, my local and global community yet for all of humanity. This way being is not separate from my WHOLENESS nor is it separate from all life on the planet and cosmos – this includes at a physicality level a deep honouring of my chosen ‘home’ earth, and an honouring of the animal beings, winged beings and plants. It is clear. The only thing that seems clear and I am good with that in this moment.
As this 10 day writing exercise ends so another begins – with others willing and ready to step into the call of their awakening journey. Ironic that they were all invited into this process – yet only now is it time.
A reminder for me: the journey needs to be only connected to my inner world, my inner state, my own churning and my own setting myself FREE. It always begins with me – I am often exhaling, right after my inhaling… ready to get on with it (get on with what?). I now know, more clearly that it has been an exquisite strategy of engaging this process – doing the work, yet over riding the integration of what has manifested in the process. To allow this integration to happen with as much attention as the initiation and engaging – is a game changer- I’m in it and I am looking forward to the more.
Ohh I love this Louise – “We are integral to it all and not some random strand of DNA that has entered the fray, in error.” I said a similar line yesterday to my roommate – as she stepped in and owned more of her birthright through the processing of Quantum TLC. Such an amazing messy and beautiful process of LIFE reclaimed and our FULL Measure activated within Tissue!!
This Quantum TLC process permeates and cycles at a deeper level of consciousness back to the surface of my everyday awareness. – the remembrance that Until we redefine who and what we Are? everything slips away after sometime.
Until we as a specifies understand – or even have an interest in the reclaiming the I AM that we each are, and a process for that ongoing Signal that We Are to emerge… there is something missing.
Manifestation can happen yet the traction for sustainability is short lived, and the Reclamation of the expression of WHOLENESS is half measure. I say half measure – as we are birthed into this world WHOLE, unique expressions of the VOID, of Consciousness – it is the cultural home of many cultures that begins to chip away, at our very birthright for existence! Not good or bad, right or wrong – it is what has been, it is what is… unless we invite a different process to be part of our everyday world.
Deb O your’s words love them!!
I have no control over the collective stories of the world. I do have control over the stories that run my life. If I don’t like the story I’ve written, I rewrite. Sometimes it takes multiple edits to get it right, but I guess that’s part of the human experience.
The multiple edits is what it takes for me – to continue to see where I am lying to myself, protecting myself from my experiences in my past – ones that no longer exist in my physical reality – yet lie beneath the surface in the topography of my body and habitual thoughts. Those dark edges and corners I dare not breath into … my gosh what could I possibly unleash or lose control of if I did!! EVERYTHING!! and that is what is required for my evolution.. I dare say it is needed for many!
How willing are we to disrupt our own status quo- our musings, our own protective safety nets, that have been honed – as a result of our intelligence that has already streamed through?
There has been another big shift inside me – that I do not fully understand or have integrated. For this collective space and conversation I am deeply grateful. I am in process (as we all are) of co-creating a more expansive Nested Living System – a Global System base in the now – not from the history or my distant or recent past. Already I am hearing my thoughts and witnessing old yet recent habits slip away – with no push back, or longing to be still interconnected. So much is done.
It is requiring I invite my expression to shape shift, and I allow it to with each authentic impulse. It is requiring I invite larger thoughts, and creation to flow from thought form versus the rumblings and insights that come when I own the landscape of my history within my body first. Both are imperative for this journey – I’m recognizing and invite the embodiment of the transition of where creation flows from first.
I have know this for sometime, and I crossed a threshold this week – that the embodiment is now accessible in the here and now.
Deep respect, integrity and generosity for each of you, Your expression, your words, your commitment to yourself has pleasantly rocked my world, and for that I am profoundly different and grateful.
Nancy
Day 10
Thank you for this journey, Louise. I feel like I got a great gift from participating in it. It caused me to open up to some ideas and to some areas in my life that, I realize now, I was, previously, closed to. I even found myself sharing some of what I have learned through my own writing adventure, today at my hair appointment (I have the best conversations with my hairdresser).
I appreciate, and respect, everyone’s input, along with the courage that they have shown by sharing their deepest feelings. I feel very honoured to be trusted with your hearts.
I am just getting to writing Day 10’s thoughts, now. I took a day off from everything, and it felt good to be spontaneous and free. It was really nice. I don’t like to get too into the habit of living every day the same, and this challenge made me think that being too habitual might just limit my life experience?
The biggest revelation that came up for me during this challenge was around the ladies of Chernobyl. They popped into my mind, and it seems they want to stick around. For those of you who haven’t heard about these incredible ladies, the story goes that they, along with countless others, were removed from their homeland because of the nuclear fallout from Chernobyl. They were evacuated to a housing project established for these misplaced residents. What intrigues me is how, when tragedy strikes, we get default to being fearful first, and look to ‘safety’ like it is the Holy Grail. Through the sharing of their journey, I was able to see that seeking safety and being fearful, are not qualities of living. They are qualities of surviving for the sake of existing alone.
Some of these ladies chose to leave the safety of the housing project, and instead return to their homeland (deemed both volatile, and uninhabitable) to live in an environment that would surely kill them. The interesting part is that they went on to outlive their ‘safer’ counterparts who chose to remain in the housing projects. These fearless warriors, grew vegetables in radiated soil, raised radiated pigs to eat (probably way more humanly raised that we do in Canada), drank vodka, communally, and (perhaps most importantly) they experienced the joy of living.
What I got from this story is that we can waste our whole ‘lives’ (note it is called ‘lives,’ a derivative from the word ‘live’) being safe….for the sake of merely existing. Or, we can embrace where we find ourselves and really live the heck out of that experience; making it an opportunity. I choose to live my life.
It makes me think differently about the organic food we buy at the market. What use is there in living to be a hundred years old, if we are miserable? I know this is where the answers to my search for the meaning of life is. I just know it. I can feel it at a cellular level. And, like it or not, you all helped me to come to this ‘temporary’ conclusion. I say ‘temporary’ because I want to live like the screen that Louis spoke about; allowing things move through me, more. I want to not attach to my experiences.
I somehow know that this discovery will help me experience more joy in my own life. Perhaps I can unbury my head and find joy in the messiness of this life? Maybe I have been missing out by not seeing the beauty that can only be found through the struggles we endure? Anyway, you have given me a cornucopia of food for thought. I am forever grateful for that. I wish you all much happiness, and look forward to when our paths may cross again.
Love,
Jeanette
It is after midnight eastern on day 10. I have had moments throughout my readings of all of the provocations and commentaries when I questioned whether I was running the strategy of ‘interloper’; I did not start engaging this process on Day One and I have not commented every day.
The rules as I have know them in my previous experiences of engaging in this 10-day process is that the process is 10 days, minimum 30 minutes of writing per day. As I chose to read all of the comments and, then, interject myself into this experience, I had moments of feeling like I had broken the rules around committing to this process. The invitation was public and open, it seemed to me, for all to engage. Could I allow myself to simply insert myself into the process in my own way and in my own time?
Having done so has brought up all kinds of considerations for me about performance and measuring up and catching up; measuring up and catching up seem to have been the algorithm by which I have lived my life. Holding to the belief of ‘interloper’, I believe that I have run those strategies in order to ensure that I would ‘fit’ in, be acceptable and appreciated by others; with THAT, perhaps I could be acceptable to and appreciative of mySelf. It has proved to be an endless and thankless task to insure traction of my own Self doubt. Reading the provocations and comments before, during and after my facilitation of this past Sunday’s Huna conversation has revealed to me more threads of these old yet lingering strategies. I wonder what other complex equivalents for these strategies are emerging to be revealed? I wonder what beliefs, values and attitudes I currently live by that are gathering winds to be transformed?
A year ago, I was engaged in a retreat at the Chateau Montebello, hosted and facilitated by Louise. On the final morning, I was feeling really antsy, impatient, ready to leave; it was like I could not get out of there fast enough. I do not remember the exact question that another woman asked of herself in the presence of others which triggered such a huge response in me. It happened with such force in me in the last half hour of the retreat. There would be no leaving until I was done; THAT I knew for certain. The word that revealed itself to me from the depths of my body was ‘freeloader’. Like ‘interloper’, who would ever want to define themselves by that label? Who would ever choose to own THAT publicly? For me, that moment was loaded (free?) with embarrassment and shame. I remember attempting to deny the presence of ‘freeloader’ to myself. Bad enough that I should know that about me, never mind that anybody else should know. Still, I could no longer avoid the truth of my experience and, so I chose to allow the fullness of what felt like a tidal wave, smashing up over and through the shores of my being. Like so many other Quantum TLC™ experiences, THAT was a significant and life altering moment in my life. All it took was my courage and my willingness to surrender. To reveal it publicly served to free me of its prison. That entire morning, my body had been letting me know that it was preparing to reveal and integrate this knowing. I was at choice: resist or surrender.
My point of view now? An ‘interloper’ has to ‘freeload’ in order to ‘catch up’. So, right now, I know that I am standing in a very different place. I choose to be done with the stories. I have no catching up to do. As Deb Gleason said in one of her commentaries over the last 10 days, ‘Thank Dog!’ (I share my life with 2 Rottweilers, so, ‘Dog’ works for me, LOL). It took inserting myself into this conversation, in the way that I did, to bring to the light of day to these discoveries for myself.
There is an old expression I have known for a very long time: ‘How we do anything is how we do everything.’ Ultimately, the childhood decisions we have made for our lives, generalize, over time; practice makes perfect. These decisions form the constructs of our lives and our realities, intended to secure our own sense of safety. The paradox is that we never really know what it means to really feel safe, inside, where we live. Without education to a different context for being and a process that invites us to breathe air, fully, into our bodies and our lives from one inhale and exhale to the next inhale and exhale, we are doomed as a species. Those of us in this conversation KNOW that there is another way.
As one of the participants stated during her Huna experience: ‘Accept and move on’. As my daughter, Erika (belly dancer), asks of herself: ‘What is the easiest and most powerful economy of movement that will actualize grace and flow in my dance?’ And, this quote by Dr. Fritz Smith, MD, who wrote the book, ‘Inner Bridges‘ about Zero Balancing: honour ‘the quick pass and the clean disconnect.’ The body is its own ‘Inner Physician’ (book written by Dr. John Upledger, Osteopath about Cranial Sacral alignment. And, most significant of all, Louise’s tenets for living in grace: ‘Invite and allow’ that we may reclaim our lives as ‘Space. movement and flow’. For me, these all find life force in Quantum TLC™ to affirm life. Can there be anything more liberating than my experience of that? Not in my life time and not in my world? Quantum TLC™ is essential to the conversations that structure and re-structure our lives.
It has been a marvelous September for me; one of great gratitude as I look from the inside out and own the genius of my life. Thanks to each of you for contributing to the intensity of it all.
LOL, I guess that is the point! Intensity!
I know is that my life has been one of contributing and being contributed to. What has been the genius in not allowing myself to notice and own the marvelous reciprocity of it all? I do live a very good life… and what I know is that it IS always, in all ways, a choice; how many times have I conveniently defaulted to forgetting that? Allowing myself to look around at what I can no longer deny are grave global and social conditions – heightened by the presence of a now collapsing biosphere – I now RE-MEMBER that my right to choose and my choices are truly the only things I really own to sustain me. Consciously inhaling and exhaling, as my first choice – always – is evidence of that recprocity. But, FIRST, I must remember to embrace that I really do have a right to choose and that I do have choice. Owning this knowing is, for me, my pivot point, my fulcrum for Being and Living FREE, inside my body, where I live. My authentic and congruent choices in/for mySelf are the only things that will change the world, outside of me, so that I can live harmoniously in it, while honouring that I am not of it.
May the force BE with us! Our unique and collective worlds depend upon it!
As Louise has always said, Breathing is Good.
Thank you all.
Sheila.