Memory Lane: Bankruptcy

Bankruptcy – a word that for many causes chills down the spine, a churning deep in the belly and the desire to run and hide!  It’s a word that is laden with judgements and labels, running the gamut of questionable intelligence to suspect morals; leaving this a topic that is often shunned and left to languish to the very last moment possible.

Not only do we not want to talk about it, we don’t even want to think about it!  Regardless of the undeniable presence of early warnings and meaningful clues, we choose to look away, put fingers in our ears and hope that somehow, the Money Fairy will magically appear and save us from ourselves.  Sadly, the Money Fairy and the Tooth Fairy have a lot in common:  they both are sourced from within.

As uncomfortable as we may be talking about financial bankruptcy, we are even more uncomfortable coming face-to-face with all of the other ‘bankruptcies’ that preceded the money one – each a warning bell and precursor to what was to follow.  Long before we find ourselves ‘tapped out’ financially – as evidenced by the bottom line of our bank statement – we have been tapped out at the level of spirit (our connection to that which lives deep within and guides us through our lives); at the level of relationships (our connection to ourselves as well as to partners/mates/spouses, children friends, colleagues, etc.) and at the level of the body (our connection to our willingness and ability to live, experiencing a vast ‘emptyness’ as reflected through fatigue, illness and a profound disinterest in the living of our own lives).

Long before we have reached the final frontier (and like the body is the final frontier relative to our relationship with ourselves, so our bank account is the final frontier relative to our relationship with money), we have spent years – sometimes, decades! – looking away from the obvious, trying not to notice what has for so long been calling to us to pay attention.  And through it all, we’ve chosen not to engage.

The ultimate sense of shame and humiliation; the eventual self-loathing that often accompanies the moment, just before we declare ourselves to be bankrupt can be the start of a new life!  Hard to believe and yet this moment of bifurcation; this moment of letting go and owning the truth of what presents in the moment  can be a portal to a more meaningful and potent way to live.

What does it take for us to get there?  And how wiling are we to allow ourselves to notice that long before it became about the money, it was always about us. About our ability to tell the truth.  About our ability to say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when we mean ‘no’.  About our ability to risk being ourselves – publicly, where others would notice – letting the chips fall where they may.  About letting go… of measuring ourselves by someone else’s scorecard and finding out:  what do I really care about?