Bankruptcy – a word that for many causes chills down the spine, a churning deep in the belly and the desire to run and hide! It’s a word that is laden with judgements and labels, running the gamut of questionable intelligence to suspect morals; leaving this a topic that is often shunned and left to languish to the very last moment possible.
Not only do we not want to talk about it, we don’t even want to think about it! Regardless of the undeniable presence of early warnings and meaningful clues, we choose to look away, put fingers in our ears and hope that somehow, the Money Fairy will magically appear and save us from ourselves. Sadly, the Money Fairy and the Tooth Fairy have a lot in common: they both are sourced from within.
As uncomfortable as we may be talking about financial bankruptcy, we are even more uncomfortable coming face-to-face with all of the other ‘bankruptcies’ that preceded the money one – each a warning bell and precursor to what was to follow. Long before we find ourselves ‘tapped out’ financially – as evidenced by the bottom line of our bank statement – we have been tapped out at the level of spirit (our connection to that which lives deep within and guides us through our lives); at the level of relationships (our connection to ourselves as well as to partners/mates/spouses, children friends, colleagues, etc.) and at the level of the body (our connection to our willingness and ability to live, experiencing a vast ‘emptyness’ as reflected through fatigue, illness and a profound disinterest in the living of our own lives).
Long before we have reached the final frontier (and like the body is the final frontier relative to our relationship with ourselves, so our bank account is the final frontier relative to our relationship with money), we have spent years – sometimes, decades! – looking away from the obvious, trying not to notice what has for so long been calling to us to pay attention. And through it all, we’ve chosen not to engage.
The ultimate sense of shame and humiliation; the eventual self-loathing that often accompanies the moment, just before we declare ourselves to be bankrupt can be the start of a new life! Hard to believe and yet this moment of bifurcation; this moment of letting go and owning the truth of what presents in the moment can be a portal to a more meaningful and potent way to live.
What does it take for us to get there? And how wiling are we to allow ourselves to notice that long before it became about the money, it was always about us. About our ability to tell the truth. About our ability to say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when we mean ‘no’. About our ability to risk being ourselves – publicly, where others would notice – letting the chips fall where they may. About letting go… of measuring ourselves by someone else’s scorecard and finding out: what do I really care about?
The following closing thoughts can be found at the end of:
Episode 8 of ‘Reclaiming Your Self: Women Unedited and Engaged!’ on the topic of ‘Bankruptcy: Tapping In When You’re Tapped Out’.
It’s not easy coming face-to-face with ourselves and the truth of who we have become. Sometimes, we lose ourselves in the life we hope we’ll have rather than confront the one we’ve already created. We find ourselves paralyzed; unable to let go and equally unable to engage, caught in a downward spiral that is taking us where we most definitely do not want to go!
Before you get there; before you lose yourself in the collective requirement to do more, have more and be more, take a breath… pause… and ask yourself:
- Am I living a meaningful life?
- When I get out of bed in the morning, can I hardly wait to be me; to move through my day and live my life?
- If money were not an issue in my life, would I still choose to engage my life in this way – spending time with these people, doing these things and ending my day looking back and knowing that what I’ve created reflects who I know myself to be?
I encourage you to take the time to ponder these questions, not so much to find answers but more to allow the questions to rumble through your body and see where they take you. As you allow the question to echo through the tissue of the body, trust that breathing deep… softening the belly and dropping your shoulders… allowing what is there to be in flow… will be a gateway for you to discover more of the truth of what really matters to you, in your life.