Sometimes, it just lands a bullseye.
It. The proverbial point of no return. The moment of acquisition of clarity. The great and memorable flash of insight that – in a breath! – changes a world… and a life.
The more untethered I become to matter, the less matter holds together as a ‘fact’ or ‘truth’. As I gain distance and it fades into the background, the spaces between the molecules of any presenting absolute begin to open. In place of the sharp relief emerges a softness… molecules no longer clinging to each other in a desperate effort to stay as all once was.
In that moment, I realize that it is all just as real/true as it is all unreal/untrue. It is we – each of us – in the full commitment to our perception, that make it so. The question then becomes: who am I to say which ‘truth’ is the honest one; which ‘reality’ is the unshakeable one; and which so-called unviable outcome is to be banished and punished for its existence?
In that moment, I knew: there is nothing worth fighting for or against. In the surrender to a higher order expression lives the greater potential.
Would I write those words if I were struggling to find food for my children? If I were running in terror, desperate to keep my children safe, as violence explodes around me? Is my insight a first-world insight, only possible when the stressors that challenge my very existence are not present? Or does the insight itself, produce the viable context for its exploration?
I don’t know. I don’t have any answers – only more bizarre and stranger enquiries. And yet, in those enquiries are the offerings of a saner and more enriching potential.
One thing I know for sure: maintaining external pressures for safety and survival guarantee that I will not be able to see beyond the essential of the moment. Will not be able to look inward when the acuity of my perception is essential to calibrating for what presents as threatening to the ongoing existence of the device of the body. Without that body, I am unable to be here, at all! It would seem that ensuring a world of violence, threat, scarcity, etc. is a smart thing to do if you do not want human beings to discover the truth of their own potential.
If i were to accept that there are certain things beyond my control (i.e. sun cycles, Nibiru, comets, melting glaciers, etc) and stop fussing about them and obsessing about them and listening to news about them and watching tv about them…. if I were to stop that , what else might capture my attention? If I were to allow the inventory of the miseries of our time to be put aside – even for a moment! – what else might I focus my attention on; explore; consider; seek out, that would actually allow me to have an impact on my own life? And how much of what I am in agreement with around ‘truth’ is really agreement based on zero direct experience; that, in fact, I am signing on to a story that I am being told by another and in so doing, making it my story. With or without direct experience, embracing the story redefines how I live… and by extension, shapes my world. Think of it: someone else’s story is shaping my world… your world…. our world. But I have no direct experience of the truth of that story, for myself. If I have no direct experience, can I ever really know.. have intimacy with… any particular truth?
What would my world/the world look like if I lived from direct experience, only? For sure, it would be more intimate. It would also draw my attention back, down and into the truth of my own experience and its emerging story. It would allow me to live a life of impact and effect rather than one of blah blah and ‘talking about’. And in this moment, I wonder: can I stand it? A life lived with such constant and unrelenting intimacy? One that expresses without the benefit of an ‘arm’s length’ perspective? I’m willing to find out.