As one who trusts deeply in the intuitive… that inner truth often devoid of outer evidence…. I am naturally drawn to what is called prophecy or the pre-cognitive. How could it be otherwise? Perhaps the difference lies, for me, in the source of the precognition: my own or that of another. When that of another, the same principles apply as they do for any other external reference. When they are my own, I pay mindful and present heed.
LOL…. it has been the longest 5 days of my life! 🙂 Great surges of insight! Deep undulations, reminiscent of those from so long ago! Churning and swirling and twisting….. constant movement of the Soul, as is to be expected when a Great Journey is undertaken. And in this moment, calm.
This is what it must be to enter into the eye of a hurricane. In this moment, a sense of stillness; a sense of relief from having made it to here. And an acute awareness that this too, will end and to move forward, I will have to re-enter the churn. A moment to pause….to rest my fingers and Soul… and then, the choice to continue. I refuse to live my life going around in circles, even if that is in a vast place where there are no winds. As is said about ships: A ship is safest in the harbour – but that’s not what ships are designed and built for.
My first, waking thought is often (for me) the one that sets the tone for the next layer. My first thought of this day: when is it enough?
Not in the sense of ’not good enough’ or ’not long enough’ or ’not successful enough’… each of which implies some underlying judgement against some invisible standard.
But in the sense of ’not enough’ to feed me. How can I tell? I am still hungry for more. An appetite – not a judgement.
I am still hungry for more.
In truth, I don’t remember a time in my life when it was ever enough. When the ‘answers’ stopped anything since they usually only propelled me to the next question. Answers never soothed. More often than not, they were irritating to me. Felt flat and lifeless, to me. Perhaps that is what I most enjoyed about my children. They never stopped asking questions. Never stopped wondering. And they too, were profoundly irritating to those around them – adults and other children, alike. Leaves me wondering: perhaps a life of perpetual enquiry is its own purpose.
Why am I here?
What difference does it make if I am or am not?
If my body is a device, what message flows through me – and from what source – that is essential to my Being?
I know there is no waste in my precious and precise Universe. In that, purpose lies. What I hunger for is to find it.
From long ago, when first beginning these conversations in my little office on Metcalfe Street…. gathering a few friends for evening explorations, offered to them as an opportunity for them to discover quickly what it had taken me much to discern….. I always knew this was a pathway for me to find mySelf. That, has never changed. Every program; every coaching moment; every lunch conversation that turned into a four-hour, intense process of confrontation of Self…. not a single one was ever for or about anyone else. It has always been about me. My world. My search to find ways to face myself without running away. Creating an experience with another, as an aspect of my own consciousness, has never failed me. Bonus? Their lives changed, too.
I know that hunger is powerful. What I also know is that without that inner enquiry; without their own hunger needing to be fed, the lives of others changed when they were with me and then, for the vast majority, stopped when they left the table. It was MY hunger that was the Force behind it; the one that awakened a hunger in them. But it was my hunger that remained insatiable while for theirs, a snack would do. Over these last 30 years, I have often wondered: why? What is it that causes the hunger in so many, to be so small? And in truth, in the great expansion of my own expression, does it really matter?
It does not matter to me, as an individual. I will always find a way to feed my hunger. LOL… witness THIS conversation! 🙂 And I know I will always find others who seek to feed theirs and offer to allow me to join them… and it is not enough. In a world that will shape the offspring of my offspring, it is not enough. So now, at this place in my life, perhaps my next enquiry becomes: how to awaken the hunger that will seek its own gratification.
My life, to this point, has been about the evolution of a process that powerfully allows the hungry to feed. A process that, when engaged, makes room for the hunger to be acknowledged, validated, freed and engaged! For that, those engaging must have some sense of that hunger; must be sufficiently conscious to notice that something inside them, gnaws at them. Their message becomes: find a way to feed or consume yourself… and die.
What is missing is some process to awaken that hunger with the many,that they may know they need not die; and need not die, never knowing what killed them.
Complacency is the great enemy of a Soul seeking to discover itSelf. That ability to delay (I”ll think about that tomorrow – I’m just too busy today.); to obstruct (I’m deeply committed but first, I need to find time to buy a new journal); to obfuscate (Before I can attend to this gnawing in my Soul, I have to figure out what’s wrong with everyone else.). And so it goes – and the deep dive into my own agitation is soothed in some acceptable fashion. The problem is: there is always something else to do. Some other place to be. Some other distraction to attend to. Our world is designed to ensure that we are constantly distracted and over-ridden by something outside of us. I believe it is so because the alternative is world-altering… and too dangerous to be awakened on a global scale.
Why am I here?
I am not one whose primary aim is to bring comfort. In fact, discomfort is the great enemy of complacency! And for that creation, I am well-designed.
I know I come with sharp edges. Even the curves of my enquiry, pierce. It is a result of choosing to BE the living edge rather than seeking to have roots in the flat part of the blade. It is the edge that carves.
I know I am experienced, by many, as prickly. Irritating. Like sand in your underwear. Hard to ignore, even if not evidently dangerous in the moment.
I cannot let a sleeping dog, lie. Sleeping, slumbering, snoozing… comatose. Sleeping dogs make for inept guardians. And if we are not the guardians of our own realities, I don’t know who will be.
I cannot turn away…. look away. I see what I see, hear what I hear and know what I know. And I am quick, able and willing to engage – out loud, visibly and in the presence of others – what captures my attention. This makes for unsettling company.
I tire from boredom and never from effort. NOT being my Self is exhausting! And in this truth, I have come – over these many decades – to recognize that in others when they could not see it in themselves. Perhaps that lives among my greatest sadness: the waste of a magical life, unlived.
Why am I here?
Once upon a time, now some 30 years ago, I had great clarity about that ‘why’ of being here. It is that enquiry that allowed all that has flowed from me, to date, to move. Now, in this moment, I am mindful that the essence of my Being still lives – and what has been lost to me is the purpose. I have no idea why I’m here… at this amazing, incredible, choice-point of our existence as a species. Not a clue….
And so, for now, that is my enquiry. I can not and will not change the essence of my Being. I also know that the purpose and intention of my arrival, no longer feeds MY hunger. This, is the enquiry that now surrounds me.
Thanks for listening.