Thank you all, for being here. It is evident to me that the collective mind that we are, knows something. It is evident to me that we are willing to know what we know, in the face of the absence of any evidence for ‘it’ to be known or ‘real’. I am reminded of a summer storm. The sun is still out… but the wind changes. It ‘feels’ different; blows differently; and its (for some) subtle effects are pulling at our awareness to inform. Can I trust that, even if in the moment my eyes are reassuring me of clear skies?
My mind persists…..
Knowing what is not to be explained. Like standing in an interrogation room with a two-way mirror. On one side, all that exists is the room. On the other side, life is unfolding with much greater complexity and potential. Which side of that mirror do I want to be on? And what lies beyond the other side of the other side?
This morning, I came across a TedTalk (you’ll find it here, if you’re interested) that drew my attention because it spoke of “… perception and creativity are very intimately connected…”
Although the context for this talk had to do with brain function and technology/machines, it struck me that there was a gaping hole in that statement which helped me to make sense of the growing apprehension of AI. And that is: judgement. Between perception and our response to what we perceive, lies judgement (B/V/A’s). That judgement then leads to the direction our creativity can/will take.
When I know something that I cannot explain or rationalize, I am perceiving something that is discernible to me and yet, non-existent for others. That does not mean I am not perceiving; or that what I perceive is not there.
Before I can act on what I am perceiving, I find myself stuck in the sticky mess of my own internal cues ABOUT my internal cues: stuck in the quagmire of my judgements about my own perceptions; as well as stuck in the judgement of my expectations around my perceptions that demand I be able to ‘create’ (i.e. do something; make a choice; take an action; etc) so that my perceptions might be turned into some practical realization to be applied to the quality of my life.
In truth, I am not there… yet.
For now, I am choosing to be still….to stand motionless in my perceptions, that are leading me to my judgements about my permission to perceive.
That I perceive, is a given. We all do. The challenge becomes : can I allow myself to perceive and hold such perceptions as valid, relevant, meaningful, reliable, etc. when others do not? Must I deny myself my perceptions when it becomes evident they do not exist for another?
What I perceive is a world heading to the brink. Not to the brink of its own existence – but to the brink of life as I have known it. I perceive a world reeling in the face of forces in the shadows… and by ‘forces’ I mean actions taken beyond the conscious awareness of those being acted upon. I perceive an acceleration of the consequences of these forces and the mindlessness they continue to compel from the vast majority. Why? Helplessness is likely a big one. And hopelessness, likely a bigger one. Long ago, having worked for years with others, I became painfully aware that helplessness combined with hopelessness leads to despair. The world, in many ways, is despairing.
In this instant, my judgement of my perception pops up, chastising me with notions of: think positively! Do something and take meaningful action to…to… to what??? Stop it? Change it? Slow it down? In truth, there is no ‘it’ to act upon. Perhaps the demon is perception, itself.
Perhaps this is where the notion of ‘death’ comes in. I see ‘death’ (mine, the world-as-we-know-it’s, etc) as pushing the reset button. And if that were to occur, then what? My belief? Given the state of our own individual and collective consciousness at the moment of the reset, we would simply return to that same level of ‘performance’ of evolution of consciousness.
My judgement tells me: not useful. At least, not for me. I’m not doing this again – and I know I’ve done this many times.
With perception and judgement having had their say, creation presents.
Create what? I have, for decades, created conversations and the space within which they could/would unfold. Conversations and explorations to shift perception, bring judgements to the surface, with the hope/intention of new creations. In this moment, I no longer trust that at this point (in my expression) there is value in continuing to engage that, for myself. As a result, I am taking steps to ensure that much of what I continue to hold as meaningful and important, etc. will be archived and accessible for any and all who choose to access it. And then, I’m done with that conversation.
Creation demands something new and different from and of me. I either hear and embrace that call or I leave (i.e. ‘death’). And so, I am listening intently as I also put my life in order. One thing is sure: I will not create chaos for my sons with my departure. No loose ends.
I continue to have the great desire to create. What I do not have is clarity on what that creation might be. The conversations that hold interest for me (transhumanism, climate (emergency) change, nanotechnology, etc) are still on the periphery for so many. Witness this very exchange: of all the women I know, there are only the 4 of you with whom I am choosing to engage. Why? Because I know that you know that you know what you know – whether you can explain that, or not. And THAT is what leads you.
I stand at a place where I wonder: is that next expression of creation one to unfold within this reality? Or is that next creation one to awaken a whole and different reality? From which side of the mirror will my creation unfold?
Long ago, something within me was awakened as I waited for the shuttle to take me into Kona. A wave moved through me… and I was changed. It is not my mind that led the change – it was the wave. Like a pulse of ’something’ rippling through the very space/time of my reality…. like a ripple of Intelligence through the galactic plane… and in a breath, I knew I was on the other side of the mirror. My life continued from there to here. And in this now, I wish for…and long for… the welcomed rippling of that next wave.
In a world shaped through collective consciousness (and I do believe that this ‘reality’… this planet/world… is one that is shaped through collective consciousness), I am not hopeful. In this moment, the mass collective consciousness is one of fear, helplessness, rage, despair, hopelessness, poverty, betrayal, violence, war, greed, etc. etc. etc.). There are those for whom that is not their truth. I find myself wondering: is there enough ‘juice’ for the first to be reshaped by the second? I no longer know….
In this moment, I am in a ‘death watch’ with my mother. I know that she and I have danced for millennia in this exchange of mother/daughter – taking turns with every manifestation. I know that as I wait for her moment to choose to go, her perceived ‘ending’ will trigger some new beginning for me. She has access to information re that timing, that I do not. And it will come when it comes. When she goes, I will go back to Kona. I have always known that my return trip would require that I be prepared not to leave there. And in that, I am at peace.
And so, perception, judgement, creation. As one who has long been propelled to create, it is a challenge for me to simply sit in the perception….judgement free. It is what it is. When I am moved to write, I write. When I am moved to silence, I am still. When I am moved to connect, I reach out. I do nothing unless propelled from the inside, out. And I wait…
I have moments of deep, deep grief. They are often triggered by the sense of my mother’s departure… and I know that the depth and intensity of the grief are not just for my mother but are for our collective Mother. In some ways, Gaia is leaving us to live our own creations; no longer buffering our effect on ourselves; no longer robbing Peter to pay Paul for our recklessness with the very sphere that allows us to exist. Gaia will be fine. All that lives on this planet, will not.
Some have written about Earth as a ‘prison’ planet; that this is a place where the souls that present are in some kind of quarantine. As much as this planet could be a Paradise, our collective consciousness can make it a living hell. Perhaps it is that we are here to learn how to free ourselves from the prison of our own, individual mind that we might free our collective mind. That we are asleep; asleep to the power of our own conscious creation. And until we wake up – each of us and all of us, at once – it will continue.
I know, and have shared with all of you, that I am here to provoke. I am not here to soothe and comfort. I am here to poke and prod. To compel and propel. I know (with or without evidence) that it is required for the collective mind to heed the call to a new and different path for creation. For so long, I trusted that there would be enough…. enough…of everything! Enough time. Enough opportunity. Enough information. Enough interest. Enough willingness. Enough determination. Enough vision. Enough courage. And in this moment, I am no longer sure of any of that. Perhaps, in that, are the roots of my own despair.
For this moment, I am done.
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