In truth, incremental change is much easier for us to manage. With those tiny steps – inching ourselves forward from one day to the next – those around us are able to watch and listen, tracking for our movement and potentially, adjusting accordingly as we go. Through this process, even though we may be changing, we continue to be experienced by others as familiar in most ways. Far less challenging to others than a gigantic leap, those around us are less threatened, faced only with a slow progression and one that they may be able to relate to. Incremental change is, by far, the more socially desirable option.
But wait a minute! What if you can’t take it anymore? What if the pressure inside your body has become so intense… has become such a powerful motivator for you… that incremental change in your life feels like no change in your life! What then? What happens to your successful and comfortable life, and all the people you share it with? Must you choose? Are you destined to have only one or the other: to have either a compelling and meaningful leap in your life or (fill in the blank) to retain your marriage, your family and your friends?
The following closing thoughts can be found at the end of:
Episode 22 of ‘Reclaiming Your Self: Women Unedited and Engaged!’ on the topic of ‘Finding Your Self Without Losing Others’.
- Trust the people around you – they really are up for it! We often think that the people we care about… the ones we love.. aren’t going to be able to handle it. That they aren’t going to be strong enough or bold enough or courageous enough to be willing to engage with us, as we engage the creation of our lives, differently. Often, our perceptions of others is the way we give ourselves permission to ‘put off’ taking the leap into our own discovery process – making it someone else’s uncertainty, rather than our own, that holds us back. The problem with that is that not only do we come to resent the people around us for ‘holding us back’, we delay the inevitable change that will be required in order for us to live that meaningful life.
- As you go through the process of exploration, include the people you care about. From one day to the next, and one insight to the next, share what moves inside you with those who share your world, outside of you. You don’t have to have the answers or know how it’s all going to turn out – you just need to be willing to be open, clear, honest and direct even if what you’re sharing is your uncertainty and confusion. Being able to be transparent to the people we care about allows them to trust that there will be no surprises; no great changes in their lives without their involvement. It is indeed, a matter of RIG (Respect, Integrity and Generosity of Spirit). That, will take you a long way toward deepening your connections with others.
- And finally, trust that it all unfolds exactly as it should. At any given time in our lives, some people will stay; some will choose to go, in whatever way is most meaningful for them; and some will choose to engage and grow with us, in ways that we can meaningfully share. And through it all, we can only know one thing, for sure: and that is the truth of our own experience. The question becomes: are we willing to share that with another?