I am changed

I’ve been ‘at this’ for a very long time (since I was 18 and I’m 61).  You would think that, by now, I’d have a handle on it and would have become adept at the strategies of living my life in this way.  Truth is, that is not true.

These last three days have found me in the intensive conversations that are the platform for certification as a CODE Model Coach™.  Because CODE Model Coaching™ is not about solving a problem; because it is about using a presenting problem as the start-point to a journey back to reclamation of Self; because it is about ‘being’ and not about ‘doing’, there are no strategies, techniques or practices on which to rely when engaging with self and other/s – there is only the breath in that moment.  How many times have I been here, before?  How many hours have I already spent in these conversations, as the culmination of the hundreds of hours that preceded it?  I’ve lost count – and what I know is, it doesn’t matter.

There is no ‘before’.  There is no vast accumulation of knowledge; or the wisdom that comes of experience.

There is no repertoire of problems solved, challenges met and lives changed.

There is only this moment.  And in this moment, there is everything else.

Strange…. to know that all that has come before is of no relevance.  There is no accumulation of ‘being right’ that I can point to by way of rationalizing the legitimacy of this insight, discovery or outcome, in this moment.  To be sure, that is not what I was told when I was moving toward ‘achieving’ adulthood!  In this thought, I could bore you with a litany of discoveries and accomplishments, none of which would have any value other than to demonstrate how I’ve occupied my time.  What does have value is that I am here… I am connected to something inside me that defies categorization… and I am both willing and able to engage as the creator of my own world.

The question then becomes:  at what level of expression does ‘world’ hold my interest?  Provoke my potential?  Awaken me to the vast and boundless creations of which the I AM that I am, is not only capable but designed and intended?

Perhaps my past has been that I create within existing worlds.  Perhaps my future lies in creating worlds that do not yet exist.  We already know that what is seen is but small measure of the vast field of the Unseen, from which it is sourced.  What if I were to see through new eyes?  What if that vast Unseen were to become my new playground?

What brings my life meaning may not bring meaning to yours.  What causes my life to be sustainable may not be so, for you.  What gets you out of bed in the morning may not even appear on the radar of my life!  And what I know (without a doubt!) really matters, is that it must matter to you.

Whether these make sense or not, they make sense to me and I share them with you:

* My life is a living expression of the Hawaiian alphabet.  With vowels and only 7 consonants, there can be challenges when the same word is used to express many different things!  It is not the word that changes – it is the context that lives inside the person who is doing the listening/expressing.  Internal referencing drives understanding, unique and shared.   What this says to me is that it is the creator within that changes, not the creations themselves.

* What once were the measures of my ‘successful’ life are now subject to this phenomenon of the Hawaiian language.  What once molded and shaped my choices no longer even shape a moment, let alone my life.  I am no longer able to ignore the degree to which the coma of cultural conditioning allows the droning to sustain itself.  What we call ‘culture’ is its own hum… IS the vibrational cue that sustains itself, without challenge.  Culture does not need effort to be  maintained – that is done through history and habit.  What does need effort is the shift in reality that makes it possible for each to awaken to him/herSelf.  THAT will not come from the outside (from the template), in.  It can only be manifested from the inside, out.  How do I awaken to, connect with and engage that which lives, within?

During the last three days, one on this journey with us shared:  “I can see!”  And inside myself, I thought:  I can only see through the eyes of the Seer that I am.  Change the seer, and I see different things.  Perhaps in those much earlier times, it was never that I could not see – it was that I could not allow myself to see what I saw.

Not so long ago, I was mindful that I was getting more and more ‘weird’, by the day!  Today, I know differently.

I know the I AM that I am is here to create my reality; to own the creator that I know mySelf to be; to discover that I am already both willing and able to separate mySelf from my creations and own ‘creator’ as the force… as the presence… that I know mySelf to be.  I knew that as a child – and so did you.  Now, I remember.

And so, my journey continues.  Now that I remember, now what?  As I slide more willingly and naturally and comfortably into that world, I also know myself slipping from the one that is validated as ‘real’.  I sometimes wonder:  if the hum were to cease and we were to awaken from the coma of culture, what then would we do with ourselves?  When the money stops; when the external drivers for ‘success’ stop; when there are no more standards to meet, challenges to overcome, problems to solve and world-views to resist, how will we know we’re alive?  What will we do with ourselves when the measure of our being is no longer set outside of us?

I believe I speak for those present when I say that this last CMC Certification Intensive has awakened ‘creator’ in each of us.  And now, we live.