Bubbling up from the turmoil

Wow… has it been that long?

As much as I could tell the story of it all, the story now seems completely irrelevant. What feels so much more potent is the place where I continue to stand, not always easy or comfortable and yet knowing that it is exactly where I need to be.

So many thoughts continue to come into my awareness, some with great ease – bubbling up to the surface and then ‘popping’ and disappearing – and for others, not so much! This place is in some way familiar as a process, having been here before in January of 2006. Once again, I am at a threshold of some kind.

The six days of Manifesting a Meaningful Life were life-altering for me, too. I never cease to be amazed by the rapid growth and expansion of the women who engage and yet, this time, there was something different. Bigger. Faster. More expansive! More provocative… compelling… a sense of urgency as its underpinning. Even today, I am without answers and yet know that entertaining the questions is the key.

I continue to let go of things, trusting that it is time. Space opens up and other things flow into that space – not like a command performance but much more as an invitation for me to grow beyond myself. In some moments, I am unsure and consider returning to what has been tried, tested and trusted; to what I know has been profoundly life-altering for so many, evidenced by lives transformed, bodies healed and lives redesigned. And yet, I know that there is always more!

2009 is the year of being bold… of defining from strong colors and sharp edges. It is the time of Intention 2009… of Evolution by Intention and Emerging Futures. It is the year of allowing what was to fall easily and softly from my open hand that I might reach out for the ‘more’ that I know not only awaits but is essential to be discovered!

It is the year of allowing all to be open, clear, honest and direct; to be simple and uncomplicated by the silly dances that I am far too often seduced into, with the unexplored promise of appropriateness, acceptability and approval. It is the year of turning inward and tuning into the unquestionable inner truth that is so effortlessly shared with others in the simple act of living authentically. When I consider how I most frequently and repeatedly keep myself small, its roots are found in my great desire and effort to be inclusive… to speak and write and engage with others in ways that will be invitational to more rather than fewer. And yet, where I stand today, I am mindful of that as one more thing I must let go of.

More and more, I am noticing the increasing frequency with which invitations are presenting for me to draw the line in the sand of my own way of being. If I can move effortlessly and side-step one invitation to hone my sharper edge, the next one presents… only larger and more demanding. If I find the ‘right’ words or the ‘right’ way to move through yet another patch of murky water, murkier water still is found in the next wave! Perhaps it is my destiny to live, now, more from the head of the Lioness than the body of the woman. Do these times demand a greater fierceness or, at least, a willingness for it to be so?

In my 20+ years of working with others, I have had the great honor and privilege of meeting some amazing women! Smart, funny, bold, courageous, deeply caring, passionate, creative, compassionate… and on and on the list can go. What I am now coming to understand is that so many of these same women came haltingly and hesitatingly to the edge of their own potential, sometimes fearful and unsure… sometimes feeling deep shame at their own unquenchable desire to be more than they had been taught they could be… yet unwilling to stay curled tightly into the ball of their own unexpressed sound of life. Somehow, we found each other… some by accident and others by design… and still, our paths crossed and lives changed. For all of this I am deeply grateful and…

… I also know that it’s not enough! It’s not big enough… fast enough… sufficiently far-reaching to massively transform the world we are choosing to co-create. As much as I would like to be able to live large AND not be offensive to any, I’m coming to understand that is not likely. As much as I welcome any and all who are seeking, I am coming to discover that not everyone will find what they’re looking for – and that does not mean that I cannot. For many women, the greatest challenge is: dare I have when so many others have not? Dare I proceed when so many are paralyzed with fear? Dare I engage when so many stand and watch… waiting… for permission to live? For me, the answer to all of that is the same. The answer is a resounding YES!

And so, as I slowly churn in the whirlpool of my own ongoing discovery, small bubbles emerge… bubbles of insight… small burps of determination… small gurgles of great joy and fearless play! Do I have the plan and the great clarity of execution that goes with it? Not on your life! But here’s what I do have: the willingness and ability to RIG myself and others without surrendering the magic of my own potential; the great desire to engage from every cell of my being; and the absolute commitment and determination to be fully present to the truth of my own experience… from one breath to the next. THESE are the women I am looking for. THESE are the women who know the truth of that vibration in their own being. THESE are the women who seek to live fully because they know that anything less means death in body, mind and spirit.

In this playground, I am seeking playmates.

Breathing is good….