During the last Navigating Chaos exploration, we took the deep dive into the challenges associated with both setting and holding to a boundary, particularly in the face of chaos. Think of chaos as the experience of rapid and frequent layers of change, emerging from those expectations in life long-held as stable and predictable. Having and holding to a boundary is challenging enough without the additional pressure of attempts to redefine, redesign and restructure processes and institutions we hold as essential to our quality of Life.
It was a tough conversation, for many. Boundaries produce edges (and are intended to do just that!) which are often unwelcome by those around us who would prefer we continue to offer ourselves as a resource for their intentions. Enter: the great potential for conflict! And how comfortable are we with that?
I am acutely aware of the consequences of holding to boundaries and the ease with which they can disappear in those moments when fear raises its proverbial head and whispers: “Just go along… don’t rock the boat… don’t move and they won’t see you!”
Boundaries (a nominalization) are fascinating inventions. They are the line in the sand… the edge of a potential… the emergence of a longing, expressed. They can be fixed or fluid; habituated or the constant press for an emergence. They are not ‘a thing’ – they are ‘us’ in evidence, as we move through an existing ‘reality’ and choose to influence rather than be subsumed.
Boundaries: they are never easy and always essential to the living of a Life of our own creation.
Like money – easy to manage when we have lots of it… not-so-much when we see scarcity on the horizon – boundaries pose no challenge until the boundaries, themselves, are challenged. In that nanosecond, we have to choose: “Do I show up as who I now know mySelf to be… or do I retreat into and surrender to the expectations of me with and from others?
It is the ‘glitches’ in our lives that become critical choice points… and determine the direction of our unfolding. And, frankly, we are now living in a world of glitches! Nothing is as it seems or as it was.
In this moment, I find myself wondering: how do we chart a course of boundaries in a world of glitches?
I’m choosing to include the full opening remarks (50 min) in the sound file below. For some, it will be difficult and challenging to hear. For others, it will be a breath of fresh air and the permission to change the way they move through their world. Either way, if you choose to listen, get comfortable; jot down your own thoughts as they come to mind; and remember: Breathing is good…
Thank you for your insight. What is a “BVS”? I am interested in seeing how setting and holding a specific boundary for my pregnant adult daughter who lives at home will pan out. She is strong and at times is stronger willed than I give myself credit for. (In conversation and living out her life)