I am so mindful of reactions to and language around those moments when women are perceived to be less than ‘patient’ and ‘understanding’ and ‘caring’. What exactly does that mean?
In a recent chat with a friend and colleague, the thought that kept coming into my awareness was about ‘patience is a virtue’… leading me to wonder: when does a virtue become a vice?
Personally? I think some of these saintly, woman-ly values have become the very ties that have bound women for decades – and caused us to put duct tape over our own mouths.
Much of the conversation that recently took place with a small gathering of women, talking… circled these ideas in ways that were open, clear, honest and direct – in a context of RIG – and very directly challenged the underpinnings of what is ‘good’ and ‘kind’ and ‘just’ and ‘desirable’. I was reminded of when I was growing up and the degree to which those moments of my own unwillingness to roll over and play dead; my insistence that my own voice also be heard; my determination to stay present to what was meaningful for me was termed ‘stubborn’ and ‘pushy’… and the degree to which so much of this was associated with my being ‘difficult’ or ‘uncooperative’; being ‘butch’ or ‘unfeminine’; being ‘selfish’ and ‘not a team player’.
What better way to silence me than to ensure I ultimately choose to silence myself rather than live as a social outcast or one so unattractive/undesirable and offensive to others.
I believe I can be open, clear, honest and direct; I can be present and fully engaged in a meaningful way for myself, in ways that are expressed in a context of RIG. AND, having said that, my voice will be definite! It will be strong and clear and most audible! It will have edges when the requirement is to carve out a life worth living. And it will reflect the godforce that I AM in every breath.
I invite and expect nothing less from you.
Perhaps we are far too long overdue for an overhaul of the terms that have come to be associated with ‘virtuous’ and ‘desirable’ in the evolution of women. We may well awaken to a recognition that what we once worked so hard to achieve are, in fact, the evidence of the very ties that bind.
Breathing is good….