There are moments (like this one) when I realize that I have not chosen an easy path. Even as I write those words, I know I have not chosen (as if it could have been anything else!) but have simply unfolded in the direction that has now become my life.
Something inside presses me to make sense of this for the benefit of others and yet, I decline to follow that thought and trust my body. It needs no further explanation.
It is not a simple task to redefine our state of being. So ingrained – and mindless! – have we become about what we are, the mere thought that we are otherwise is impossible to entertain. Our brains… our minds… our nervous systems spark for a nano-second with the potential and then quickly snuff out any impulse that is counter to what eons of ‘spin’ have left us living: we are not god.
Yet, I know differently. I know that I, like you and every other, is the I AM that we seek. I have not a single doubt, every cell in my body in full and complete alignment with that inner truth. And in so many ways, I stand alone.
For decades, I have sought to find the ‘right’ combination of words; the ‘right’ metaphor; the ‘right’ phrase/story/utterance that could be relied on to ‘pop’ us out of this intergenerational, collective, mind-numbing coma of habituation that we are living. The only thing I can think of that we hate more than being different is someone else who is different. The pressure to conform and homogenize is palpable!
I have lost track of all the books I’ve read, the courses I’ve taken, the things I’ve listened to. I can’t even begin to estimate the thousands of hours of my life that have unfolded in conversations about who and what we are; about ‘self’ and its expression; about connection to the seen and the unseen. My journey began 40 years ago with the last 18 years of my life committed, full time and without interruption, to the exploration and discovery of consciousness, self and the meaning of life. When I read those words, I wonder: how much more?
Perhaps what has brought the greatest degree of frustration, sadness, grief and sometimes hopelessness and despair is to watch many brilliant minds lay out amazing and compelling evidence of a much larger self to be discovered and lived, only to also watch the conclusion become: well, that was fun – now let’s get back to being ourselves! In the blink of an eye, the new and powerful slides off the concrete veneer of our desperate commitment to needing to ‘know’ what we are.
We tinker at the edges of improving our humanity when nothing less than completely redefining our humanity will make a dent in a world in rapid decline. We appease ourselves by what we believe to be the the good effort at incremental change when what we really need is the not-so-good upheaval attached to letting go of all that we have held holy, in our search for the sacred. They are not connected.
The upheaval I refer to is of a kind that might well rear its head were we to be visited by alien visitors and discover that they were the ‘source’ of our creation; that we are indeed a ‘seeded’ population whose origins are in the experimental intentions of another expression of life – and one far more advanced and powerful than our own. Would these then become our latest god? Our creators, our rescuers, our punishers? What would happen to our notions of the existence of god… any god!… to which we have devoted our lives? Who then, would we pray to… seek salvation from… and ask for forgiveness?
That is the type of shift I am mindful of. No tinkering at the edges! When we know what we now know from quantum biology, how can we – even for a nano-second – NOT KNOW that we are the Signal (the source, the creators) streaming through the device of the physical body?
Yes, the body is intelligent as each cell is intelligent; and yes, the body is organic and alive as each cell is organic and alive – and I am NOT my body. I AM is not of the physical but of the energetic; and is always in flow whether through body here or elsewhere. Relative to a physical world, we are indeed immortal. Relative to a far more vast and intelligent universe, we simply are.
So, in this moment, I take another breath and allow myself to let go of all that is not there; of all that is not seen and heard and claimed. In this next breath, I let go of my sometimes great need or desire to be the godforce seeking to engage with other godforces and simply own that the I AM that I am is no longer alone. In this next breath, I turn and walk in the direction of all those other godforces willing to play and trust the innate intelligence of so many who are not.
How do I make sense of that which has no truth in logic? How do I find words for the unspeakable? How do I point to that which does not exist in form? Perhaps none of these matters more than my willingness to just continue to engage!
There will always be another breath… and then another… and another…
Louise, thank you. I, too, am at a loss for words trying to even say how much your words resonate with me. So, somehow, in this at least you’ve found words for the unspeakable. You’re speaking it. Here in your blog, in the CDs from Decloaking that I listen to daily, in the conversations I have with Amy and other Women of Intensity, all of this from your willingness to engage. Words of breath.