I’m in the middle of a retreat or program experience, and I find myself observing myself saying something. A small voice inside me (somewhere) says: “Pay attention to that – that’s important. ” And in the blink of an eye, it’s gone.
Hours will go by, possibly even days, and it happens again. I’m saying something and notice a sentence or a new word in use, and that same voice says: “Pay attention to that – that’s important.” Were I to visualize it, it would look like those computer scans that isolate two or three separate words, making them distinct from the hundreds of other words that surround them. Or that Air Canada video, that shows everything in shades of grey except the item being featured, which appears in banana yellow! Tough to miss that seat belt…
It is as if I am on a scavenger hunt… or a treasure hunt… with cues and clues showing up in the people I spend time with, the conversations I engage and the thoughts within those conversations that stand out as significant in some way. Each a piece of a larger puzzle, without any sense of what the whole represents!
The 20-CD set for Decloaking is finally done. As I listened to edit, I was aware of those moments when a new thought had presented. Although it fit easily and appropriately into that sentence, in that moment, I also knew instinctively that it meant something else…. something much larger and more expansive. Like the difference between speaking of a doorway from one room into another, and speaking of a doorway from one expression of consciousness into another. The same word to represent vastly different potentials! Same doorway, but different.
The women coming into my life are increasing in their willingness and ability to engage more and more of themselves. And, beyond that, they are arriving with men in their lives who are willing to do what it takes to stay connected with and to these women, including step into their own evolution. I have always felt that the impact of this material for men would be in its presence through the women they love, and who love them back.
More and more are popping up…. women gathering in small groups, talking… about the things in their lives that are meaningful. Creating meaningful lives. Engaging in meaningful ways of moving through their day. These women are becoming open, clear, honest and direct. They are seeking to be in each other’s company as they continue to move through their lives, knowing that doing so will contribute to their staying awake!
More women are writing. It is fine to read the words of others. It is transformational to write those that come from somewhere deep inside yourself. Their words are appearing in blog comments, in the creation of blogs of their own; in email exchanges to small groups… but they are out of the closet on the truth of their own experience and are trusting that in doing so, they will be just fine!
My attention span is minimal for anything that is not carving out a new path in some way. I’m not even quite sure how to explain that – it is more an awareness of a vibration in my own body. As I step into conversations with others that are greatly challenging or difficult for them, I move into a place of great stillness and quiet… and feel that I am home. I wonder…what is that????
I’ve written in other places (Women Gathering blog) of my experiences in these small groups of women gathering, talking… and I continue to be mindful that my own accelerated evolution is profoundly connected to the willingness and ability of women to engage as part of the contagion of this awakened collective. As each one becomes more strongly connected to herself, it is as if I find more of myself to engage… to move forward another inch… to pick up speed in doing so… and to attain some kind of shift. It is less about a new prism and more about a different facet on that prism. Or is it?
Maybe that’s what it has been in the past – facets of the same prism. Maybe this feels so different because it is indeed, about a different prism.
And so there I sit. Breathing. Paying attention to what moves inside me. Willing and able to engage in those huge, thundering and destabilizing conversations with others. Growing and expanding to know the much larger Space within which it can all reside and be ‘one’, rather than its fragmented and fractured pieces of a missing whole.
What comes to mind is the notion of deciding one day to venture out and away from ‘home’. Over time and distance travelled, eons pass and we have long forgotten the point of origin of our journey, distracted along the way by the wonders of the journey itself. And still, it nags at me: where is ‘home’?
Breathing is good….
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