Bifurcation for mothers and their sons

I care deeply for the people in my life.  My mother tells me that my greatest strength lies in my obvious and unwavering passion for my family.  (I think she’s a little biased….)  And given the nature of the work that I do – of how I live my life and the great intimacy that comes from  my time spent in experiences with clients – my clients very often come to be part of my extended family.  When they hurt, my own body vibrates with that same resonance as if we were strings on the same violin,  sharing in the music.  In that moment, I know that it is an invitation for me to find within myself that which we share that has been touched in some way. 

If you were to ask someone who knows me well about what I cherish most in my life, they would likely tell you that I adore my sons.  I am so blessed to be their mother.  That the Universe has chosen me to walk with them in their lives has been my greatest honour.  There are times when I am so filled with the sheer joy of having them in my life that I sit by myself, tears streaming down my face, at the wonder of it all!  And yet, I am not without an awareness of the magnificence of their imperfection.  In the moments of their imperfection, I come to be gentle with my own.  Sometimes, in being willing to do for our children what we cannot or will not do for ourselves, we learn more about how to know the experience of love of Self. 

Having said this, I am also aware that my sons – as magnificent as they are! – can also be huge pains in the ass.  They think for themselves and are not shaped by ‘the pack’.  They have never been ones to do as they are told simply because someone is older or taller than they are.  They have their own agendas for their lives and insist on living those lives, their way.  As much as they are open to engaging with me and are willing to include me in their lives, they stand strong in owning their choices and insist on moving forward in their own time, in their own way.  In those moments it becomes very clear to me:  I am not them, and they are not me.  

How do we cherish others and yet hold true to our own path?  How do I love my sons and also love myself, refusing to ‘sacrifice’ myself to their needs/wants?  How do I come to trust that living my life in ways that are open, honest, clear and direct – choosing to honour the truth of my experience rather than the convention of what it is to be ‘mother’ – will allow us all to become the ‘more’ that instinctively I know we are?   Without trust and respect (of self and other), what kind of ‘love’ do we share? How do we love deeply and let go?  

I am not alone in these moments.  In a recent exchange with a wonderful friend, I found new ground for myself as I shared my thoughts with her.  

“What comes to mind as I read your words is how easy it is to doubt ourselves alfer we’ve let go; and yet, how debilitating it is for us to hold on.  Either way, I believe we need to do what feels authentic for us in the moment and stay present to what continues to unfold

For what it’s worth, I do believe that it sorts itself out.  Being open, authentic and clear are such unusual affects in our world that we often have no idea what the next step can/could/should be.  In that moment, breathing is good… allowing your body to open and relax… and just engage when and where and with whom it feels ‘right’ for you to do so.  

Bifurcation is such an interesting experience in the body.  Like you’ve already noticed, we feel two distinct things at the same time:  the chaos of the old coming apart and the great excitement/anticipation of the creation of the new.  They both exist, occupying the same space and the same time, and the sensation plays itself out in the body.  Personally?  My life has been at its most creative and compelling in those moments! 

I know that as you redirect your attention to what is deeply meaningful for you to create, you’ll be amazed at how quickly it begins to fall into place.  That space I mentioned above is unbelievably fertile ground for new thought to manifest – and fast.” 

My life is lived as an Emerging Future.  That includes my way of engaging with the people I love.  An Emerging Future is a journey that offers no road map or reference points.  What it does offer is the invitation and opportunity to rapidly, profoundly and exponentially transform our lives – in a single breath.  What that demands is that I not only trust the godforce that I am but that I let go and come to trust the godforce that is expressing through the body of the person I so love.  

I love my sons and I also know that loving them means letting them go.  They are no longer children, they are grown men.  I need to trust that who I have encouraged them to become will serve them well.  To spend my life teaching my sons to stand on their own and trust themselves, and then not trust who they have become, dishonours us all.  Holding on is like holding my breath.  When I’m holding my breath, nothing moves – and movement is a sign of life.  The truth of it is: holding on will destroy us all.  

Breathing is good…