I love being in the deep end of the pool!
I love the power of the conversations and the way they change lives. “Just talking’ is more than enough to guide us all through ‘invite and allow’ that we might find a new place to stand.
I love the intensity that accompanies this highly personal, individual and unique journey of discovery. No two of us are the same – and no two conversations are ever heard the same way. It is perhaps that immense diversity that is inherent to a holographic universe that has captivated my attention, fed my curiosity and nurtured my soul for all of these years!
I love being with women, gathering in a small group, talking about what matters to them. When we get past the (sometimes) initial uncertainty (i.e. what are the rules? what can I say/not say? what will they think? is it ok to be myself?, etc…) there are two things that naturally flow: humour and a deep compassion for self and each other. I believe it is the essential nature of who we are… and of what we are.
Spending so much time in the deep end of the pool, loving every minute of it… I sometimes find it feels a little strange to ‘return’ to the day-to-day unfoldings of my life. I have a HUGE capacity for intensity and not every day of my life is intense. Perhaps that is indeed, the very good news, particularly for the people who love me. 🙂
Returning to my life is often accompanied by a slight sense of disorientation; a sense of not quite knowing what to do with myself without opening to and extending myself into ‘the field’ to sense and perceive, and be sensed and perceived. It is, after all, a dance… a magnificent flow of energy moving from and through, such that we become unsure of where one ends and another begins. I think of it sometimes, as not just watching Northern Lights but BEING Northern Lights! How can anyone tell that it is ever anything but one complete thing? That there are no moving parts but just the constant flow of the whole? That in all its movement and flow, it is whole in its every expression. That is what it feels like to me to be in these intensives.
Whether it’s ‘Decloaking’ or any of the ‘Emerging Futures’ retreats, it is always electric with the desire to stay open to and be present for ‘the moment’ that will present itself; that will offer the invitation for an ’emerging future’ experience; and that will either engage and unfold – or not! – based on my willingness to trust, be present and allow myself to be guided by it. For many, that is where the deepest fear is.
What will happen if I let go? What will happen if I choose to engage without knowing? Who will I become if I allow myself to discover this…. this… power! Who will I be as ‘mother’… as ‘partner/spouse’… as the daughter that I have always been thought to be? What will my life become?
During my adventure last week in ‘Decloaking’, there were moments when I became so aware of my own life. (After all, in a holographic experience it is never about anyone but me! Although others present on my holodeck, each is a living expression of some aspect of my own consciousness. Every other person is my gift of self-discovery, if I choose to accept it.) Perhaps the most potent for me was to become aware of how profoundly we train our children to ‘be’ who we believe they should be, framed by my definition of what is true and real and right. They learn well, and they often grow up to be sometimes strident but always faithful defenders of what we’ve taught them to hold as reality. And then, the moment comes when we discover for ourselves – in the acquired wisdom that can only come from living our lives – that my certainty about my world may be softening at the edges… and I discover my children to be unable and/or unwilling to loosen their grip on ‘truth’ and ‘fact’ and ‘reality’. In that moment, I may fear losing my children. Yet in that same moment, I may risk losing myself.
And so, my love for the deep end of the pool… my ease and comfort in my much deeper truth that it is not that I am a good swimmer, it is that I am amphibious and the distinction is irrelevant… allows me to slowly re-awaken to my ability to also move effortlessly across land and thrive on the breezes that stroke its curves and remind me that I am also a physical being in a magnificent physical world. That feels so much slower and denser to me, and yet, I know that, too, is me.
Like rubbing the sleep from my eyes – not because I have dozed off but because I have lived in the Dreamtime – I slowly gain my footing in my ‘real’ world. Days of grocery shopping, laundry and discussions with the gardner on how to make my grass grow! And yes, this too is my life and I am so divinely guided in living it.
I am grateful to and for every breath I take. I know that I am alive, awake and engaged!
Breathing is good…
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