“Eleven different climate zones generate everything from lush rain forests to arid deserts, black sand beaches to snow-capped mountaintops. The Big Island is Hawaii’s biggest playground.”
I now better understand what so pulls me to the Big Island of Hawaii. In many ways, I ‘feel’ just like that!
Over my lifetime, some have delighted in but most have been annoyed by my ability to be authentically one thing in one moment and equally authentically something very different, in the next! Does that make me insincere? Inconsistent? Dishonest?
There have been times when I have felt great sadness in what I perceived to be such a ‘negative’ experience of me, by another. In every breath, being authentically myself has meant being equally volcanic, snow-capped, rain-forested, arid desert, rocky beach and powder soft. Like the Big Island itself, I am all those and not completely any one thing.
When I am on the Big Island, I feel home! I feel free to be any and all things – from one breath to the next. I track for the flow inside myself… for that mercurial state… that takes me from volcanic to oceanic; from rain forest to desert; from scorching heat to snow-capped. And through it all, all of it is true.
How strange it is to me that we feel the need to collapse one truth in order to hold to another truth. Is it that multiple truths cannot exist at the same time or is it that we have lost our ability to feel whole in the presence of such complexity? Have we become so small that we are no longer ‘large enough’ inside, where we live, to be able to make room for multiple truths to co-exist? As I write this, I am mindful that the Big Island is just that… BIG! It is larger than all of the other islands, combined.
My life is changing. Who I have been, who I have become and who I have yet to discover mySelf to be are all different, all true and all equally authentic. I have never sought any of it – I have always simply been found by it.
My work is changing. It’s depth and breadth, it’s range and scope, and it’s intention and manifestation are finding voices of their own. I still feel and have now felt for some time, the ‘hand in the middle of my back’ to say all that I have to say – to put on CD and video what I know is important to share – and then, to find my silence. What does that mean? I have no idea and yet I know it ‘feels’ right. It feels like rain-forest and arid desert sharing the same space – and it makes perfect sense to me.
It is interesting to me to watch/experience myself as I know with great certainty where I am going and yet, at the same time, have not a clue of my destination! I only know that the path I am on will take me there.
In the midst of my own turmoil (easily imagined if I consider rain-forest and desert sharing space!), there is great calm. In the face of uncertainty, I am definite.
In my movement lies the secret to reaching my destination. To instead, sit still and think about it; to study it and seek answers about it; and to be unwilling to move without having all the details, will not take me where I need/want to go.
Movement is a sign of life!
In breath, there is movement.
Breathing is good…
Leave a Reply